All babies cry. It is their language, a way of communicating their needs and ultimately it is the result of a baby's instinct to survive. Young babies who have little ability to move, feed themselves, keep themselves warm or protect themselves from danger rely solely on their parents or carers to protect and look after them. Babies have the ability to cry so that their needs are met and they can survive into adulthood. All babies are different when it comes to crying. Some babies are calm and contented and only seem to cry when they are hungry or tired. Others seem to cry constantly and are difficult to settle. The amount that a baby cries will also vary from day to day and month to month.

So why do babies cry? The answer is not always obvious and can lead to parents becoming stressed and frustrated in the early days of parenthood. It is important to understand why babies cry so that parents can respond to their babies' needs quickly and recognise why their baby may be crying. The reasons babies cry can be divided into three main categories;

Physical Needs- Such as hunger, temperature, shelter, sleep, fresh air, activity, over-stimulation, protection from injury or danger, colic.

Emotional Needs- These include love, security, the need for comfort and touch, loneliness, fear, confusion, reassurance.

Developmental Stages-Babies may cry more when they are reaching developmental goals such as teething, crawling, walking.

A baby may have different cries to communicate these different needs. As a parent becomes more familiar with their baby they will learn to recognise these different cries which will help the parent and the baby to communicate more effectively with each other.

Attitudes to crying.

Attitudes to babies crying have changed dramatically over the last hundred years. In the early part of the 20th century the attitude of many households was that children were to be integrated into the household as soon as possible with little fuss and attention and babies were not recognised as having needs. Breast feeding was not encouraged in the way it is today and parenting styles were very different. In the 1970's there was a complete swing in attitudes with many parenting manuals suggesting that babies sleep in the same bed as the parents and breastfeeding became more widespread and accepted in public. Today attitudes to crying vary from person to person. Often as a parent your attitude to crying may be influenced by the values and parenting traditions in your family. There still exists the concept of spoiling a baby by responding too quickly to its needs and by giving a baby too much attention. Desmond Wilcox comments on this in his book "Baby Watching" (1991);

"A spoilt schoolchild may well be one who has been disciplined too little but a spoilt baby is one who has been disciplined too much."

 He goes on to say that a baby who has its cries ignored begins to feel that its parents are not its great protectors and in the true sense the baby had been spoiled. It is important not to see crying as a negative response. The cry of a baby is a way to let the parent/carer know that the baby needs the parent. Crying is also an important way for the baby to bond with its mother. Research has shown that only three days after birth, 22 out of 23 mothers recognised their baby's cry when played with the cries of other babies. Babies who cry when they are put down by their mothers will often be crying because they do not want to be separated from the mother because of how much the baby loves, trusts and needs the parent. A baby's mother and father are a baby's world and the baby interprets the world through the actions and responses of its parents. Often ignoring a baby's cries can make a baby feel insecure and frightened. The baby needs the reassurance from the parent that everything is fine before the baby can relax. After all the world is a very big, noisy, cold and unfamiliar place compared to the womb.

Techniques to help with crying.

Parents are particularly sensitive to the sound of their baby crying and persistent crying can lead to parents feeling exhausted and depressed. Parents may feel guilty at not being able to meet their baby's needs or worried that there is something wrong with the baby. One important way to cope with crying is to listen to your baby's cries. By listening to the cry you can try and identify why the baby is crying. It is helpful to think of how you would respond to an adult crying when responding to your baby crying. If a friend is crying you may offer them comfort by giving them a hug or holding their hand. You may ask the adult to tell you why they are crying. By taking a similar attitude when a baby cries rather than just applying a practical solution such as providing a feed or nappy change you can communicate more effectively with your baby. A baby may just be looking for comfort and reassurance from the parent rather than anything else. Babies respond very positively to touch. Holding a baby when a baby is crying will help to calm the baby down. The baby has been used to skin to skin contact whilst in the womb. Skin to skin contact outside the womb can help to quickly reassure the baby that he/she is fine and in no danger. Dimming lights and keeping noise to a minimum will also help to reassure a baby. Gentle rocking either in a parent's arms or sling, or pram can help to recreate the gentle swinging movements of the mother's body when the baby was in the womb. Massage can help to soothe crying babies because it releases relaxing and feel good hormones but more importantly it communicates love and helps to build a confident relationship of trust and love between the parent and child which may make the baby feel more secure with his/her surroundings. Baby massage gives the parent the opportunity to observe and learn more about their baby's signs and cues which helps the parent respond to their baby's needs more effectively.

Colicky babies

Babies who suffer from colic often cry persistently and are more difficult to calm and soothe. There is no known cause of colic. Many colicky babies suffer from the pain of trapped wind caused by the baby having an immature digestive system and not able to deal effectively with wind. Colic often occurs ain the early afternoon evening often when parents are feeling at their most tired and therefore the crying can seem more difficult to cope with.

Baby massage is excellent for dealing with wind and colic because it helps to expel trapped wind from the babies tummy offering relief. It can be empowering for parents to massage a colicky baby's tummy because as trapped wind is released the parent knows that he/she is doing something to help the baby. Skin to skin contact also helps to comfort the baby and massage helps to release pain relieving hormones to deal wit the pain. The sensation of the parent holding the baby's stomach gives the baby the reassure that the parent is there for her/him and helps to bring warmth the area. If you think of how you may have felt during an episode of discomfort. Often the feeling of someone holding your hand or stroking your head may help to make the discomfort more bearable. Placing your baby on its front over your legs and gently bouncing the baby on your knees whilst pat the baby on the back can also help to soothe a overestimated/ colicky baby by putting slight pressure on the stomach and creating a rhythmically sensation for the baby similar to the womb.

It is important to remember that when a baby cries it is not your fault and that as a parent or carer you can respond to your babies needs and provide your baby with what it needs. Crying is an important way for you to get to know your baby. Your baby is trying to communicate with you. If you need help with persistent crying there are support groups such as Cry-sis which can help.

By Gayle Berry